“My Drill Instructor”

by Charles Harmon

Have you heard a Russian cussin’?
Listened to Koreans curse?
Been shocked by a foul-mouthed Prussian?
But my drill instructor’s worse.

Have you heard a redneck’s rant?
Have you heard a biker’s cant?
Understand why a brotha cuss
Expected to sit at the back of the bus?

Have you heard an Eskimo mutter?
Call someone a Walrus $#@%&er?
Have you heard an Aussie thunder
From the land of wonder, down under?

Have you heard a Cajun ragin’?
Have you heard an angry pagan?
Words to make your mother cry
But the worst was my D.I.

Heard a cholo say, “Tu madre!”
Heard a commie cuss his cadre?
Heard a frat brat brag he “@#$%ked her?
Worst by far’s my drill instructor.

Have you heard a pissed off cop?
Heard a drunk sailor blow his top?
Heard a dogface really bark?
Listen, fools, my words you’ll mark!

Have you heard a trucker swear?
Kind of like the Devil’s prayer!
Listened to a profane Arab?
I can tell you he’s no cherub!

Pirate captain kings can swear
Filth to make birds drop from the air
But someone’s language makes them look so square—
For nasty verbiage Sarge has a flair!

Priests and teachers, presidents
Sometimes the King’s English will dent
But someone who can really curse—
For dirty words my D.I.’s the worst!

Of all these cussers so obscene
He’ll shout them down, however mean
Blow your lungs out of your chest
To prove the Corps has got the best!

Cowboys, Irish, folks from France
No one really stands a chance
When he skewers them with his lance
Of sharp-barbed words and withering glance….

In all the world, both East and West
My Sarge will make them fail the test
In cursing he is really blessed
You’re not impressed, you think I jest—
He’ll kick your ass just like the rest!
My drill instructor is the best!