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by Alan Wahnefried
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“Where did this line come from?” Sergeant Stolz wondered. Nothing was said at morning formation about a new process. But here was this line. Usually, the guys just drifted into the Tech Operations Building. This morning they were lined up. They appeared to be saluting something. Stolz knew all the officers with a clearance on sight. None of the officers were at the front of the line. The guys appeared to be saluting open space. What was going on? It was winter and Stolz wanted to get in from the cold. The line wasn’t that long and was moving. Stolz worked his way to the front of the line.
When Stolz got to the front of line, he started laughing. Before him stood a snowman about three feet tall. Someone had done some work on the snowman. The snowman had a sculpted nose, eyes, as well as a mustache. The body of the snowman had been painted olive drab and looked he was wearing fatigues. The snowman wore a baseball cap made entirely from snow, including the visor. Shirt pockets had been painted on the snowman. Above the pocket was a name tape of Stafford (the same as the Technical Platoon’s Platoon leader). The snowman was wearing the bars of a first lieutenant in the Ordinance Corps. The snowman was flipping the Technical Building the bird and had a brown nose.
Stolz reasoned you salute the rank, not the man. He locked his heels and whipped a salute. Having done his duty, he went to work.
Stolz was the Calibration Crew Chief. The guys on his team his team all commented on the snowman. They loved it, as Lieutenant. Stafford was better known as Twerp. After a couple chuckles, they got to work.
After about a half hour, Sergeant Paisley, the platoon sergeant, told everyone to get to the break room. Stolz replied they would be there as soon as they shut down the equipment. As Stolz’s crew straggled into the break room, Stolz heard Stafford grill Paisley about who built the snowman. Sergeant Paisley was imitating Sergeant Schultz. Paisley had a point. The snowman couldn’t be seen from the office.
Once all the crews were in the break room, Stafford demanded the names of the people who built the snowman. He also wanted the snowman removed. Silence followed. Before Twerp could start ranting and threatening, Mr. Blevins spoke. Mr. Blevins was a senior warrant officer. No one knew what to expect, as Mr. Blevins had arrived recently. Mr. Blevins said if he had built the snowman, he would proudly admit it. He said he thought the snowman was Outstanding. Immediately, all thirty men in the platoon admitted to building the snowman.
The platoon streamed outside to do their duty. Once they got outside no one was sure what to do. They were just milling around. Stolz decided to get more military than usual. He barked, “We’re going to do this in a military manner! Lock and load one magazine ball type ammunition!” The guys recognized the commands from the rifle range. They realized Stolz was forming a firing squad. Stafford in front of a firing squad? What a great idea! Stolz continued “Ready on the right! Is the right ready?” The guys mumbled something. Stolz bellowed “I can’t hear you! Is the right ready?”
The guys realized Stolz was serious and bellowed back, “Right is ready!”
Stolz continued, “Ready on the left? Is the left ready?”
The guys on the left shouted “Left is ready!”
Stolz commanded, “Safeties on full automatic! Fire at will!” The guys fired. About a dozen snowballs destroyed the snowman’s face and cap. Subsequent volleys beheaded the snowman. There wasn’t that much snow on the ground, so the guys ran out of ammunition. So, several guys charged the snowman to finish the job. There was nothing left of the snowman but patches of green snow.
The guys were congratulating each other as they went back into the building. Stolz never found out who built the snowman. Neither did Twerp. Twerp fumed. Nobody cared.
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Alan Wahnefried is a new old writer. He has been writing under a year. He is seventy-two years old. He has been published internationally, with pieces appearing in 101words.org, commuterlit.com, and CafeLit.uk.co. He is an honorably discharged veteran of the United States Army and a graduate of the University of Michigan. He lives in suburban Detroit with charming and understanding wife.
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